It's a small world

I remember

2012-02-08T03:09:00.000-08:00

I remember looking at Bayley as a little baby, lying next to her in bed watching her sleep. I remember thinking "I never want to forget this"
I thought the exact thought tonight as I laid beside her.
I don't ever want to forget her chubby cheeks that I kiss all day, chipped fingernails, bangs that are growing out, wearing a princess dress every single day, "mama, can I have a treat?"
Her singing at the top of her lungs as we grocery shop, her curiosity, the way she loves an audience watching her dance, the way she will try so hard to get me to lighten up and laugh when I'm being too serious-oh how I need that! The way she teaches me how to live life on purpose and to be true to myself.

Oh how I cherish these days!!

we are fine

2012-01-26T07:56:00.000-08:00

sometimes i say "be careful" so many times in one day that i just start saying it automatically and most of the time it is unnecessary. do i really need to tell my daughter to be careful as she hangs on to the end of the grocery cart as she has a hundred times before? does it make a difference? how many times does a kid hurt themselves and the parent say " i thought i told you to be careful?"  doesn't that sound silly?  kids don't want to hurt themselves. and as a parent i believe that making a child fearful of everything and everyone is much more damaging than a bump on the head or a broken bone. don't get me wrong i want to protect my children, but i also want to protect thier future outlook on life. i want to raise children to know that the world is a safe and nurturing place, because it is. it is all in our perception. i've watched the news and am well aware of the random dangers like getting ecoli from hamburger and children being abducted from shopping malls in the blink of an eye, but are these the things i want to focus on? no. i want to be aware, yes. because awareness is our best defense to any catastrophe. but i don't want to live in fear of every minute and teach my child to do the same.

because at the end of the day, we are fine.

and our biggest problem may be worrying about the next day.
i want to give more thought and intention to the good, the positive.
i do believe that my three and a half year old is much more aware than i am. "mama, what is that black thing?" "mama, we are by the mall!" "mama, why do you smell like chocolate?" She is fully tuned into all five senses at all times. She isn't worried about bills or the dentist appointment she needs to make. She has no distractions and is fully present. wouldn't that be a refreshing way to live? to just know that everything is going to be fine and tune into the present moment with every ounce of your being.
she is my guru and i have much to learn from her.
when i am aware i don't default to "be careful" a hundred times over.
i engage, i respond, i show instead of tell.
i let it go

"what you do speaks so loud, i cannot hear what you say."    -Emerson

Happy Birthday to my Mom

2012-01-12T06:39:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Mom!!! I miss you so much and i wish i could be with you and bake you a cake and make yummy food and laugh and have fun!! I love you so much and I am so lucky and grateful to have you as my Mom. I hope you have a wonderful day!!!

lots of love,
Abbey

lucky

2011-11-11T23:39:00.000-08:00

i love how bayley can't pronounce her s's
i love my wonderfully sweet husband and that her sent me flowers
i love staying at my mom and grandmas and spending time with them
i love thai chicken soup
i love lime
i love pinterest
i love baby kallies head tilt and wave
i love opposums
i love seeing the good in everything no matter what
i love sand
i love pottery barn
i love having lots of good friends
i love good news
i love zucchini bread
i love every second of this wonderful blessed life

Truth only reveals itself when one gives up all preconceived ideas. ~Shoseki

grate"full"

2011-10-26T21:23:00.000-07:00

today was a glorious day
it rained and we stayed home
we played "my little ponies" which consists of me chasing bayley around in circles and i am the scary zebra pony and she is twilight sparkles
we made cupcakes and i learned if you don't use a mixer, they turn out better
i really do love having all our stuff in storage because its helping me learn what i can do without and what i cherish and miss (my le creuset soup pot and mom's cast iron skillet)
i made lentil vegetable soup and crescent rolls and put a dollop of cream cheese inside the crescent roll and then put butter on top, heaven!!! oh and trader joes crescent rolls are the only ones i buy now, they are healthier and yummier.
oh and you know those spoons at japanese restaurants for miso soup, well i bought a couple at the asian market for bayley and they work great for soup.
we watched movies like "feck" (shrek 3) kinda sounds like a bad word when bayley says it, but i still love that she can't pronounce her "s's" skip=kip skeleton=keleton skittle=kittle
our library here has the most amazing selection of kids movies, better than any movie rental place.
we built a fort and i browsed pinterest because it's my new favorite internet addiction
at bedtime bayley has been saying her prayers out the window and its so sweet it made me cry the other night. she thanks God for everything she loves and tonight it was cupcakes, cars and bubble guppies. some nights its family and puppies, pillows and water. i'm just so grateful that she is learning gratitude and how to practice it daily. it makes my heart ooze happiness.
and since bayley didn't take a nap, she actually cut me off mid book tonight and said "mom, lets go to sleep" you could say i was speechless considering last night i laid with her for over an hour as she tossed and whined and begged for another snack and drink and potty and back rubs.
the evening ended with adam and i laughing til we cried reading auto text correct.

i have been getting really frustrated lately with bayley not listening and i really didn't like some of the things i was saying and my tone. i was nagging, punishing, being way too harsh. i realized that it is my problem how i react, not hers. i am her parent and i am here to teach her, not dictate. the thing is, most of the time she is teaching me way more than i am teaching her. a three year old is living how we all should be living. in the present moment, happy just to be exactly where they are. so after reading up a little on the montessori method, i decided to try a new approach. instead of getting all bent out of shape over something and saying something like "nooooooooooooooooo bayley, stop that right now" i have started to remain calm but firm. and if it's not that big of a deal, i either let it go or i ask her kindly. sort of how i would talk to a friend or coworker instead of "i need you to throw your candy wrapper in the trash"
i try "hey bayley can you please throw your candy wrapper away?" a lot of it is about tone, the second she senses my irritability, she is gonna up the ante big time.
the more i started thinking about being kinder and more patient, i realized that a lot of time people are nicer to complete strangers than to their spouse and kids. obviously families can have a lot of stress and no one is perfect, but i am starting to realize that this is a big deal for me. i want to do whatever i can to minimize our stress so that i can be less snappy and irritable and more light hearted and thoughtful. because what a huge difference i feel when i control the crazy lady inside me and now my child listens more often and we are both much happier.

pumpkin patch this weekend and more good good things coming soon

peace out

wherever you go, there you are

2011-10-06T22:00:00.000-07:00

i think i can survive anything
after driving cross country with a bad case of bronchitis, being put on steroids that actually made me lose my mind and have a 48 hour panic attack, and settling into a place i've never even been...
i am alive
and doing quite well
except i really miss my mom, will you come move here please?

they say to give a new place a year before you decide if you like it or not. we've been here a month and things are growing on me yet at the same time i am feeling my california roots tugging at me more often than i imagined they would. i love the true autumn that the midwest has to offer. i stop at every gold tree and take pictures like some crazy tourist at the Eiffel tower. people stare, it's funny. we are living downtown and can see the st louis arch out our window. i am getting to know my way around downtown and can walk to the grocery store, library, starbucks and several restaurants. i get lost everyday, it's the only way i learn how to find my way...eventually.

Bayley is taking it all in and sets such a great example of acclimating

doing yoga

i've actually been cooking quite a bit even though our kitchen is tiny, it's kind of challenging and fun

apple crisp

grand canyon

flagstaff, az

family photo ha

easy healthy dinner that is cheap

-chinese chicken legs

marinate organic chicken legs in
soysauce (about a cup)
2 tblsp minced fresh garlic
2 tblsp minced fresh ginger
pepper
1 tbsp honey
1 tbsp olive oil

bake on parchment paper on cookie sheet at 375 til browned well
40 min-hr depending on how big the legs

at the end melt butter on each leg and dot with honey
bake a couple minutes longer

-sauteed bok choy

bok choy is so cheap at asian markets and so healthy

rinse well and chop in one inch pieces

heat olive oil in a pan on high and add bokchoy
toss and add more olive oil
add soy sauce
cook 5 minutes

serve with trader joes basmati rice

yummy

goodnight

We're not in Kansas anymore

2011-09-06T06:26:00.000-07:00

Well actually we are in Kansas
But Definitely a far ways away from California.
Funny though, last night I had the best Mexican food I've ever had. In Kansas!!
We've Gone through Arizona, new Mexico, Texas, the Oklahoma panhandle, Kansas, and today we hit st Louis Missouri!!
I'm almost a little sad that this road trip is ending, it's been kinda long, but it's brought me peace in unexpected ways.

Also, I am loving listening to Oprah and Martha Stewart on my xm radio.

Bayley loves watching my little pony on the iPad and playing games.

And I am sure Adam and miss kitty are jammin out to some nice country music in the jeep.

The past 2 nights we have had a jacuzzi and pool in our hotel which has been awesome, especially for bayley.

Today we arrive at our new home.

There's no place like home
There's no place like home
There's no place like home

Day 2. Disheveled but happy

2011-09-03T07:16:00.000-07:00

It's 645 am and we are at the canyon plaza resort
Next door there is a girl singing Adeles "rolling in the deep" and she's on repeat.
I am waiting patiently for my tiny pot of hotel coffee and really missing my 60 second keurig maker.
But I'm missing a lot of things and that's okay. Whenever I feel uncomfortable, or out of my element, that's when I know that the universe is arranging itself to accommodate my inner desires, hopes and dreams.
Comfort is good, but it's stagnant. Every once in a while my soul needs upheaval. Where I just leave it all up to God and know that these crazy days are what make up a life well lived.

Last night we ate dinner overlooking the Grand canyon, priceless experience. As I finished my glass of wine and approached the edge of the south rim, I got goosebumps. My jaw dropped and I just stood there in awe. If that isn't the best example of something made magnificent over time, then I don't know what is. I read that the bottom rock of it was over 2 billion years old. Baffles my mind. I wonder how cool I would be if I were 2 billion years old?

Oh and we saw bears and elk. Like 6 feet from our car. So freaking cool.

Bayley is a trooper, at 3 years old I know she kind of understands, but kind of is confused. But she just takes it all in and we do a lot of distracting and bribing with candy and presents. But don't worry, our new apartment is only 7 miles from a whole foods so we will be eating healthy again soon.

Next stop is albaquerque and I'm excited to see the red rock and another killer sunset and meet up with our friend.

My car is quite a sight, I had these dreams of being that super organized mom. The one with band aids and neosporin at arms reach. The one with ziplock baggies labeled for each day of the trip with goodies corresponding to the place we are at.
The one who has her shit together.
Nope, im lucky if I can hurl back a couple lollipops and a disheveled barbie.
Oh the barbies...
Looks like they had a long night on the town and now they all are crashing in random places in my car with fruit loops glued into their hair.
Maybe I'll try to organize?? Or maybe I'll leave it up to Adam, cause he's really good at that. Thank goodness!!

Signing off from 6500 feet.

big

2011-08-31T21:05:00.000-07:00

Bayley likes to play with bugs
and a lot of times it's me who is scooping up the worm from the clayish dirt and placing it in a new spot, like in her hand or a pink toddler tupperware comtainer. yesterday as the movers packed every item in our house, i felt like that worm.
we are in the hands of a higher power and i like that
don't get me wrong, i had 7 panic attacks yesterday and drank 3 bloody marys at dinner

the unknown is freaking scary

but i know from experience that change always preceds growth

i have so many feelings going racing through my mind right now, but my exhaustion supercedes everything so that is a nice distraction.

so many times in my life i've felt like when something big happened, i was the only one who ever would experience such a thing and that no one else knew what i was going through.
now i know better
everyone on this planet is dealing with something "big" at one time or another and everyone is just doing thier best to cope with the "big" emotions and feeling that go along with it.
moves, births, illness, travels, graduations, losses, break ups, weddings
it's all just life. and there are always going to be the positives and negatives of all of it

so here i go

to me it's the biggest deal in the world, like it's gonna be on yahoo headlines tomorrow morning
"The Bernardi family moves to St. Louis Missouri!"

but i know better

last night in my hometown state

California you will be missed

lot's of love

peace

Abbey

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.
Steven Wright

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature.” — Helen Keller

i always loved the light that shined in just so, illuminating the smudgy little hand prints on the window

a quote

2011-08-19T00:02:00.001-07:00

“I have thought for a long time now that if, some day, the increasing efficiency for the technique of destruction finally causes our species to disappear from the earth, it will not be cruelty that will be responsible for our extinction and still less, of course, the indignation that cruelty awakens and the reprisals and vengeance that it brings upon itself…but the docility, the lack of responsibility of the modern man, his base subservient acceptance of every common decree. The horrors that we have seen, the still greater horrors we shall presently see, are not signs that rebels insubordinate, untamable men are increasing in number throughout the world, but rather that there is a constant increase in the number of obedient, docile men.”

—George Bernanos

stuff

2011-08-15T02:17:00.000-07:00

i am in the process of organizing files on my computer...mostly pictures
like oh say 10,000 pictures
and let me start by saying that i am a schizophrenic digital picture hoarder.
who names files on thier computer things like "stuff" and "fun" with no dates??

i do

my brain hurts

here are some pretty photos

i went to blogher 2011 and it was so amazing!!

got to meet a blog friend, kelle. such a kind soul

had a fun date with my girl today and she picked out some fancy shoes

boy does she love her shoes

i had to pry her out of the nordstrom rack shoe department today

my girl is so outspoken these days

a mom said to her little girl "c'mon monkey" and bayley piped up and said in such a defending tone "she is not a monkey!"

these days are fun

19 days and we are on our way to st louis, missouri

i'm going to try to blog thru the craziness of it all, especially the roadtrip!!

2 suvs, a mom, a dad, a precocious 3 yr old and a cat that has anxiety in automobiles-----driving cross country

stay tuned as this southern california girl heads out to the midwest

consequently

2011-07-30T00:09:00.000-07:00

today we dropped bayley off at a new drop in daycare for the first time(i had to talk myself out of a panic attack) and as i expressed my upset with adam his oh so "adamlike" response was "it's only for an hour, they can't do too much damage" oh how i love his choice of words in these moments. at first it ticks me off but then it makes me laugh and lighten up. he gets me.

we started our new gentle yet firm "discipline" plan for bayley/us
we have so much going on, but some how this whole discipline thing has been hanging over my head like a dark cloud and eating away at me. i don't believe in punishments, but what i do believe in are consequences. life is one big set of consequences and if i can help my child learn how to deal with them then bring it on. i want to teach bayley that she is responsible for herself so she knows that she always has the power and choice in any given situation. i want her to take full responsibility for her actions and know that with any choice comes a consequence. i want her to feel empowered and know that her choices are amazing tools that can guide her to her dreams. that mistakes are forgiveable and we should learn from them, not hide them. i want her to know that she can accomplish anything she wants in life. i want her to have self discipline, self confidence and control over her emotions.
the funny thing is that this whole teaching her right from wrong is just as much about teaching myself right from wrong. i'm disciplining myself just as much as i am disciplining her. i might not dump cat food all over the floor or kick and scream over a cookie not had (well actually....) but i have just as much learning to do as she does. and i can say that it's extremely humbling, difficult and amazing all at the same time.

"I knew from feelings that I had to do something. And I did it. And I did it well. I did what made me feel better tomorrow even though it was very, very painful at the time. The result was beneficial. Doing those things today that feel good tomorrow."

~Thomas D. Willhite~

right now

2011-07-22T23:50:00.000-07:00

right now i'm hungry
i've been browsing recipes and stumbled upon a salvadorean sauerkraut called curtido that i really want to make
and i also want to try the combination of smoked salmon, creme fraich and dill on rye toasts
oh and we are moving to missouri
yay!!
i've never been to missouri, and i've never lived outside of southern california
this is going to be quite an adventure

my brain feels like the new york city subway system, things coming and going and it basically feels like it will never stop. unless something crashes, and that is quite likely.
between potty training, baby root canals, moving across country in a month and trying to remain in somewhat of a routine i feel um..........slightly overwhelmed. and i'm really good at being overwhelmed, sometimes i think i secretly like it or thrive on it. except now, i really don't want to feel so crazed. i'm trying to accept the fact that life isn't going to be "done" until i die. and even then i will move onto a different life or realm with a different definition of "done".
i'm always thinking "oh i'll be so happy when___________ happens" but the more i wish ______ to happen the more i'm wasting away my present moment. and there is always beauty in the present moment.
i often get caught up in a really happy moment and want to bottle it up and put it on a shelf. maybe thats why i have 2000 pictures i've taken from this month alone. being in the present moment is the easiest thing and the hardest thing. it requires no material objects, and it can be done anywhere with anyone or no one. i believe that the present moment is awareness and an honesty with oneself. and that can be painful.
sometimes i will be watching bayley play and dance and sing and i love it so much that it actually hurts sometimes because i know that it won't be that way forever. so i have to remind myself of the delicate balance of it all. being in the moment, planning for a beautiful future and knowing that the past exists only to teach us.

Our life depends on the kind of thoughts we nurture. If our thoughts are peaceful, calm, meek, and kind, then that is what our life is like. If our attention is turned to the circumstances in which we live, we are drawn into a whirlpool of thoughts and can have neither peace nor tranquility.

Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnica

bayley said "mom come look!!" and this is what i found

"this is such a pretty world" -bayley

life 101

2011-07-06T02:16:00.000-07:00

ahhhhhh clicking that little blue button that says "new post" make my heart flutter.

i have been quite busy and although i always seem to make room for my blogging, i have had some other matters to attend to. i call it...
life 101
lately i have been busy practicing the art of having an open mind and breaking bad habits.
it's been really challenging yet extremely rewarding.
i am learning that mistakes happen and i can choose to learn from them and move on or i can dwell on the crap.

i read A LOT and i've been noticing that all the books i read seem to have very similar concepts. one being "like attracts like" positive energy brings more positive energy and it's almost exponential.
i'm trying to focus like crazy on the good and accept the bad, learn from it and move on.

so here are some of my "tools" i've been using to help with my journey towards inner peace.

the artist's way

a course in miracles

non violent communication practice groups

dr wayne dyer

the concious parent

less wine and more vitamins

and a really good counselor and God.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

so we have also been traveling and celebrating birthdays and time is just flying by!!
i can't "catch up" on pictures right now but i'm back at the blog

i can't believe that my baby is 3 years old!!

it's good to be back

Remind yourself that the greatest technique for bringing peace into your life is to always choose being kind when you have a choice between being right or being kind. This is the single most effective method I know for having a sense of peace. And you have that choice in all your interactions. -wayne dyer

a dent

2011-05-14T01:20:00.000-07:00

i have so many pictures and so many thoughts and my mind keeps putting off writing...like a mountain of laundry. instead of doing a little, making a miniscule dent. i just procrastinate and procrastinate. i love writing so i'm not quite sure why i put off doing something enjoyable, maybe because i feel guilty. guilty because i know i have a million other things i could be doing. but you know what, this writing and blogging stuff is replenishing and as much as i'd like to think that i really am an energizer bunny and can keep going and going. i'm not. i need to be replenished with things i love to do. and i notice that if i don't get replenished, i get very very cranky. you know what else makes me cranky...not enough sleep. so i'm going to bed. another replenishing activity. who knows, i might even get a pedicure tomorrow!!

relaxing

2011-05-08T22:20:00.000-07:00

i've been relaxing

mothers day post coming tomorrow....

and the winner of the Abbey Bernardi photoshoot is:
comment # 3 (generated by random number generator)

Leeann Vogt

"On a beautiful day, my favorite thing to do would be to go on a bike ride around town with Bryant. There is nothing like getting on your bike and just cruising around, the sun beating down on your face, the wind blowing by, no worries about any thing. Hmm this sounds so nice. It has finally stopped raining here in Michigan, it is currently 60 and sunny. My bike isn't here at school so I'll go for a run instead. :) I often find myself reading your blog if I’m sad, happy, or someplace in between. Sometimes when family lives apart it is "difficult" to keep in touch. Your blog makes me feel so a part of your life, my brother’s life, and that adorable niece of mine. So, thank you for filling that distance. While Bryant is away in Afghanistan I think I will send him random pictures of things that make me smile to try and fill the distance between us right now. It is the simple things that make us happy :) "

congratulations to my wonderful sister!! email me at abbeybernardi@yahoo.com and we can schedule it.

a beautiful day and a give-away

2011-04-27T10:32:00.000-07:00

it's a beautiful day outside today, we are getting ready to go explore

i am doing my first giveaway to celebrate the day!!

this blog is such a great creative outlet for me and i'm so grateful for all the positive feedback from friends and family

sooooooo........

i'm giving away a photoshoot

a photo session with fully edited prints including:
1 8x10
2 5x7
4 4x6
8 wallets

locations include:
anywhere from san diego to santa barbara
and we will be in michigan from june 12th to june 24 around the kalamazoo area.

in order to enter just leave me a comment and tell me one of your favorite things to do on a beautiful day. for 2 chances to win, link this blog post on your facebook and post another comment telling me you did. please everyone enter!!! if you win, you can also give the photoshoot as a gift to a friend or family member.

well if you'll excuse me i have a little girl outside with a hose and a beautiful sunny day!!!

how we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives -annie dillard

failures and triumphs

2011-04-27T00:31:00.000-07:00

it was one of those days...

i woke up and didn't take a shower
gym clothes and no makeup
i even forgot to put on deodorant....stinky girl am i
i had a ton of things to do but didn't write them down
i left the house feeling scattered and overwhelmed
i had one of those horrible choking episodes(you know where you cough really loud uncontrollably for like 15 minutes) happen to me in starbucks and no one even cared except bayley who told me to "chew mama"
mango smoothie was everywhere for whatever reason
i went to the grocery store and probably did 9 laps, incomplete list. i still forgot some things...
and bayley yelled "i want candy" at least 800 times imitating the brat angelica from the show the rugrats
i let bayley watch too much tv
potty training isn't going as well as it was last week
the sink was full of dishes all day
i didn't call and reschedule my doctor appt because i felt guilty for not showing up and not calling yesterday
i started making dinner too late therefore we ate way late
bayley fell down the stairs
adam and i both had difficult days which resulted in frustration and disharmony
i cried while i was barbequing chicken
i didn't take one picture

and now that i thought all my problems were done, my computer is going bonkers and i can't upload my pictures...

but i'm not going to let that get in the way of listing my gratitudes for today, because bad things happen but how we chose to deal with them shows our true character

so tonight i realized while lying in bed waiting for bayley to go to sleep how lucky i am
and instead of feeling sorry for myself and thinking that my mom skills or communication skills were subpar i thanked God for shelter. i was lying in a warm bed and so was my child and we ate a nutritious dinner and reconcilled our problems and i felt SO MUCH BETTER. i can always strive for more, but if i don't appreciate what i have at this very second, i will never feel like i have enough or that i AM enough. i have to accept myself right now, mistakes and all and hope that others will do the same. if not, they must not be worth the time anyways.

so now i'm starting to understand the whole "fail more, fail better" quote
if i fail more and can accept my failure, then it doesn't really matter what happened or didn't work because i feel okay and i can accept things the way they are and forgive and move on.

and i am so happy that my husband did ALL the dishes tonight and that i didn't run away when we had a disagreement, we are such an awesome couple.

so now i am going to soak in a lavendar bath with a glass of red wine and relax for 20 minutes before i tuck myself into bed.

i think my photos uploaded now...enjoy

“There are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them.”

-Tom Krause

30 and loving life

2011-04-24T01:03:00.000-07:00

so i'm 30 and guess what, i didn't turn to stone or figure out life yet. so i shall get on with things.

i love life.
i love it so much that i sometimes forget to eat or sleep or go pee. i do realize that all of these things are part of life, but there are also so many other things that scream life even more and then i forget the basics. like a lot of times i will be utterly starving, but for some reason nothing sounds good to me except (fill in the blank with some sort of extravagent food like king crab or country pate) so i go out of my way to get such food and starving for just a while longer. most people would probably make a sandwich. i love so many things about life that it's really hard for me to narrow things down, but as i get older and smarter and cuter and all around better (hehe) i'm starting to narrow things down. i'm trying to figure out what i really love and what REALLY gets me going.

so lets make a list, because i LOVE lists

ballerinas, especially when one is Bayley

going out for breakfast and the color yellow

the ocean
sunsets
sushi
horseradish
dirty martinis

nature and all beauty it entails

bonfires
marshmallows

music

smiling
champagne
celebrations

candles
experimenting with photography
jelly jars
dimples

the color orange
cats

curly hair

great friends

babies

amazing family
connecting

kisses

yummy treats
snuggling

life is an amazing gift and i'm gonna devour every last drop

"Live life fully while you're here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You're going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don't try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human."

-anthony robbins

in a nutshell

2011-04-20T01:00:00.000-07:00

i am not allowed to drink caffinated beverages anymore, they make me feel like a drugged up person with severe ADD.

clean up on aisle 4 of the grocery store and our staircase because my child now likes to get my attention by chucking her juice everywhere.

the library is quiet and there are nice people there

home made mac n cheese is so yummy with diced up ham mixed in

it's asparagas season, get the big fat ones and drench them in butter, lemon and salt and peppa

i have fancy french truffles from my amazing friend chara

i'm having a campout bonfire for my birthday on thursday

tonight after putting bayley to bed, i ran to target and finished getting easter basket stuff and these

yep, tomorrow is her first ballet class and i'm so excited (probably more than she is)

homemade tomatillo salsa is one of my favorite foods

tomatillo salsa:

tomatillos (raw)
onion
garlic
cilantro
vinegar
olive oil
jalapeno
salt and pepper

blend in food processor til smooth

YUMMMMM
we put it on chicken tostadas
you can also mix it with ranch for a really yummy salad dressing

i love bayley's easter bunny, he's so cute

since adam has been home in the evenings we have been having our nightly "tickle monster" ritual. where we all hide under the covers and wait for the tickle monster (adam) to get us. bayley LOVES this game and really believes there is a tickle monster (or she is a dang good actor)

i am almost and super excited.

i am excited to go to bed and wake up to my new peets decaf coffee and entenmanns raspberry swirl danish.

oh also the meyer countertop spray in basil scent is amazing and i'm contemplating using it as perfume, i am loving wiping down my surfaces.

Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach

sunday night ritual

2011-04-18T01:35:00.000-07:00

when i was in high school, sunday nights were kind of fun. i watched seventh heaven and ate mint chocolate chip ice cream. it meant getting ready for the new week and it seemed like i usually had a new shirt or earrings from weekend shopping to get me excited for monday. clean cotton sheets on the bed, clothes washed and laid out, instant oatmeal set in a bowl with a spoon. i had a plan man. it usually all went to hell by wednesday, but sunday night...i felt ready.

tonight i tried to re-create this ritual. let me tell you that it's a bit more complicated now. because i have more responsiblilties than laying out my gym clothes and new earrings. but i'm really working on this whole "planning" things better. in learning about myself i have realized that i may not be a planner by nature, but i need to be one. almost anytime i feel confident or have a success i had made a plan. i can't tell you how many times i have kicked myself because i put off planning something important. so i'm trying to look ahead, not too far. just enough to encourage and inspire this crazy and spontaneous girl.

so it's funny, because for a while i've been trying to plan in my head what i want to do before i turn 30, like i might turn into a stone or just forget who i am once i hit the big 3 0. and since i turn 30 in 4 days i think i may need to modify my plans a bit. i don't think i will be going to india or getting a book published or going here for groceries and then having a fabulous dinner party, but i can start planning some of these big things and put them out into the universe. because that is how every big, huge, tiny, any-thing begins. with intent. a plan. and then small action steps everyday to lead us to a goal.
well i'd better go lay out my new earrings for tomorrow.
it's a big week ahead!!

this weekend =

what is the meaning of life?

whatever you want it to be.

-james frey

i feel your pain bro

2011-04-15T00:48:00.000-07:00

tonight, i drove 12.8 miles to a little blue house and sat in a pretty back yard and listened to people talk.
it was an NVC group and i feel very energized by this kind of communication
here is the link http://www.cnvc.org/ if you wish to learn more.
tonight i listened more than i spoke which was hard for me.
it was great fun. it was transforming. i learned a lot about myself. mostly, that listening is a wonderful tool.
and the other thing i realized, is that i really love to talk and share. I talk a lot, i have lots to share. and the good thing is that this blog can be a great outlet for that. i can "talk" and share and people don't have to read it or people can. it's still scary for me, putting my feelings out there, i'm just not so in touch with them and i think anything unknown breeds fear. so i am learning about my feelings and it's fun and challenging.

i also learned the difference between these two nouns empathy and sympathy

empathy(noun): The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

sympathy(noun): Feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune.

non violent communication (NVC) practices empathy. we practiced it tonight and it felt foreign to me which made me sad yet hopeful because i am now aware and trying.

i don't know if it was from a movie or what, but talking about empathy and really learning it's definition made me think of a guy; sitting, intently listening, with longish sun bleached hair, maybe smoking a joint, nodding, smiling and squinty eyed, saying slowly and meaningfully "i feel your pain bro" i bet you he "gets" what empathy is.

i'm gonna try to feel more and think less

goodness

2011-04-13T01:38:00.000-07:00

funny, i didn't think i had many pictures to post tonight, but i do and i love them all. they are real and beautiful and they string together wonderfully balanced, each one supporting another.

lately we have been : bug hunting, going for walks, drinking tea, eating lots of snacks, relaxing and enjoying ourselves.

bayleys favorite thing to do is go look for bugs, this is the bug playground she loves so much

everyone should be required to own and use lavendar essential oil, it's magical. i dare you to inhale the scent and try not to be calm and smile.

after a day feeling like my mind was so jumbled that nothing could untangle it, it is nice to reflect on the goodness of life and realize what really matters. it's so much simpler than it seems.

goodnight to all, may everyone find the goodness

Bayley boo

2011-04-11T22:47:00.000-07:00

Today Bayley put her shoes on the right feet all by herself.
I couldn't believe it, I remember thinking just the other day how far away that milestone was. She is growing so fast, I feel like every time i turn around she looks older, acts older,is older. Thank goodness she still has her baby cheeks and I kiss them and gobble them up every chance I get. I Love baby cheeks!!!

The other day I spilled some wax from a candle on my nightstand and I didn't clean it up right away. Today bayley noticed it was cleaned and said "oh, you cleaned the wax off I see".
She is so serious at times it makes me laugh.

She also dumped the entire bottle of brand new bubbles in her bath tonight and said "I just wanted more bubbles"

I had my second dr appt with the naturopath today and I feel great.

Next post will have pictures.

Sleepy time

assets

2011-04-11T00:50:00.000-07:00

i feel peace

i am confident

i am honest with myself and others

i am loved and supported unconditionally

i trust myself and others

i can't do it all so i ask for help

i make informed decisions

i plan ahead

i find the good in everyone

i have unwavering faith

i forgive and let go

i am strong in my beliefs

i set boundaries that reflect my intuition

i have many emotions and feelings and all are acceptable because i know how to handle them

i know my limits and can express them

i am balanced

i am the best wife and mother i can be

i am not perfect, but i accept and learn from my mistakes (lessons)

i will never stop trying

i will put into action anything and everything to make these statements true for myself.

oh ya!!!!

life is messy

2011-04-08T21:52:00.000-07:00

this whole parenting thing has been shaking the core of me. in a very good, yet hard to accept certain things way. i never dreamed it would be like this. i just thought. "i'm good with kids, it will all work out." and sometimes i think i need to go back to that and stop overanalyzing every little thing. what i'm learning now and i think its the hardest. is that i make mistakes, lots of them. and i need to make even more.

mistakes are a good thing, they are proof that we are still living, breathing and trying.

i realized this tonight over cheese and crackers.
i wanted to spread bayleys kaukauna chedder spread onto her ritz cracker for her, but she wanted to do it. it was painful for me to think that the hard, cold, thick cheese was going to crumble that delicate little cracker into breadcrumbs and then it would be a big failure for her. seriously, i know. it's just a cracker. so i stopped trying to persuade her into letting me do it and i watched her. i watched her struggle with the knife, then with her fingers and it was a big ol mess of processed crap. but then finally, she reached a point where she was satisfied with her work and i was so relieved. (i put the cheese on the other two crackers by the way.) i'm trying, really i am.
so failure is really hard for me, but i'm realizing that my fear of failure is actually making me run in circles. scared, safe circles doing the same things and getting the same results. and i don't want to do that, i want to take chances and strike out (well not really, but i want to want to strike out) and then feel good about my risks and achievements. and i want this even more for bayley. spill the milk, drop the fork, make a mess, make a bigger mess and then smile because you're still trying and it's getting a little easier everyday to fail and get back up again.

off to see how many messes i can make!!!

first manicure, she is so proud of her pretty pink fingernails

whoa slow down

2011-04-06T21:29:00.000-07:00

we have had some full past few days and i love it, but i need to slow down.

and eat and sleep and relax

my mom left and we miss her so much

soooooooooooo very tired

goodnight

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

Maya Angelou

I won't forget

2011-04-04T00:01:00.000-07:00

I just don't ever want to forget...

The way she asks me to dance with her in the middle of a restaurant, and I do

Her soft chubby cheeks that I kiss goodnight every night long after she is asleep

The way she grabs my face and looks into my eyes and gives me a big kiss with her binky in her mouth

How she loves playing grocery store and now owns 3 shopping carts.

How she loves looking for bugs and is so fascinated with them and picks them up and kisses them.

That her favorite snack is prunes

Her singing and how she gets all American idolish when she gets really excited.

How she loves playing pretend and likes me to be the wicked witch from the wizard of oz. She likes to do something nice for the witch so she will be nice and not wicked anymore.

How I am learning that when I get irritable or frustrated with her, it is my cue to stop and be in the moment with her. To listen and ask questions and love.

Saturday thoughts

2011-04-03T00:49:00.000-07:00

Try again. Fail again. Fail better. ~Samuel Beckett

It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

"it's easy enough to be pleasant when life flows along like a song, but the man worth while is the one who can smile when everything goes dead wrong."

When life feels really difficult, it's usually a big red flag that we can learn something about ourselves.

I haven't bitten my nails in ten days

Today we got a new carseat for bayley and went to the olive garden
My mom made roast beef and mashed potatoes
I loved laying in bed and eating a noodle bowl while watching perfect couples with Adam.
Bayley is using the word actually a lot these days. "actually my mouth is big."

"don't worry so much, it's just life.". (a psychic witch from Venice beach)

I can't wait for Easter this year

I'm reading Natalie Goldburg's "writing down the bones"
And I love it

Some favorite quotes from it:

"our task is to say a holy yes to the real things of our life as they exist-the real truth of who we are..."

"...it takes tremendous effort to just follow the rules if your heart isn't in it."

"the best way to control people is to encourage them to be mischievous.". - Suzuki roshi

"but we should never underestimate people. They do desire the cut of truth."

"we don't live for ourselves, we are interconnected"

new

2011-04-01T23:45:00.000-07:00

i got a new car
it's my dream car
and i'm so happy
thank you everyone

i honestly had a near panic attack, i was so excited.

and my sweet girl has been sick, but such a delight. she is pure love

lots of emotions tonight, too many to discuss on this public space.

but i know that love will be the most powerful, it always is.

The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands. ~Quoted by Alexandra Penney in Self

sick

2011-04-01T03:27:00.001-07:00

my girl is sick...
long night

let's go let go

2011-03-30T23:51:00.000-07:00

tonight as i was trying to conquer my mount everest pile of dishes in the sink when i looked over at bayley.
she was on the couch watching caillou and eating yogurt and i thought to myself "i wish i didn't have to use the tv as a babysitter"
oh well, sometimes it just happens and she's entertained. i started to feel okay with it, after all it was caillou. he's very nice and it's sort of educational as well. just about the time i justified her tv watching i glanced back over.
I found my just bathed, little angel, finger painting with her whole body her table with her organic vanilla yogurt.
like ALL OVER everything.
i remained calm, explained why we don't do that and cleaned up.
and a little while earlier, while bayley was watching Tangled. she did this to her face and told me she put on lipstick.

my conclusion is that tv's make horrible babysitters and shouldn't be trusted.

which draws me to my other conclusion which is:
2 year olds are crazy and "letting go" of things seems to work.
i'm picking my battles, lowering my expectations and knowing that 99% of the time i have something planned in my head it's not going to happen exactly that way. and that's okay, because i can be flexible. and other people can be flexible too!
and not feel guilty
that's the tricky one, but i think that letting go of guilt brings so much peace and inner joy to life.
i know so.
i proved it tonight, after a long day of "letting go"
i laid with bayley and was able to just be. in the moment, with no fear or worries or thoughts.
and honestly, that was my first time there.

it was pure bliss and i'm goin back again.

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.”

- Oprah Winfrey

Peace (those are bayley's peace signs)

tweaking is good

2011-03-29T19:24:00.000-07:00

i am so ready for bed. i'm going to bed with bayley tonight, she might get a bath if i can keep my eyes open.

i went to bed at 2 last night and bayley woke up at 630 ready to greet the day. i had to greet the day too, although my greeting was more like grumbling and irritablility. i had 2 cups of coffee and after bayley pleaded me not to be tired, i peeled my body off the couch. it was a slow go, but i started getting some momentum. i realized that this might be the only way to get into a different routine that works for us. i had to do some tweaking and it was not pretty. but it was a beautiful day and i decided to get out and take bayley for a power walk in the jogger. she hesitated, but i wouldn't take no for an answer. we walked 2 miles. she loved it so much, she fell asleep. yay, no nap struggles! tweeking was working.

then i proceeded to work on this...

i made this yummy asparagas wrap

and we danced

we even did some family yoga and stood on our heads

we made a pizza

and yummy cookies

and relaxed with our cat who really knows how to live the good life

and my favorite part was when bayley picked up a big ol worm. everyday we go outside and look under the same rock for bugs, everyday we find worms and baby snails. but today my girl reached down and picked up this guy and it was like her pet.

it's really hard to change the way we are, especially when most of us do the same things everyday, in the same order for the same reasons. changing course is painful and awkward and uses new brain muscles or something like that. but what's the point of doing the same old thing if we are unhappy with the results. better to exercise those new muscles and hurt for a few days than to stay comfortably uncomfortable.
so here's to tweaking things !!

The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions. ~Ellen Glasgow

day 2 declutter and more

2011-03-28T23:58:00.000-07:00

having a glass of red wine sitting at my desk which is piled with stuff almost so much that i can't move my mouse. things are getting done, i'm just sticking to the fact that i really can't do it all and i need to be a responsible prioritizer. everything will get done....sooner than later. i'm going through my house with big black trash bags and asking myself if i really want to keep caring for the item or if it's better off gone. adam is doing it too, it's kind of a fun couples activity.

"less stuff, less space, more life" - some danish guy on oprah
i'm danish, bring it on!!

today bayley blayed with a box of seashells for like over an hour, it made me so happy to watch her amazement and reverence for nature instead of watching tv. don't get me wrong she watched the wizard of oz like twice. we're taking baby steps. oh and we canceled our cable woohoo!!! bumped up our internet speed and it's saving us 50 bucks a month. we will have more time and more money, win win if you ask me. the only channel i loved was the food network, oh well i'll just cook more instead.

speaking of food. this was my dinner tonight. inspired by the movie eat pray love

bayley had sweet potatoes, corn, egg and cucumbers (i have given up on trying to make new things she "might" like. if it's somewhat healthy, she can have it.)

oh and an amazing chocolate ice cream bar from maga for dessert. these are incredible!!

well i'm up past my curfew again. first i said i'd be in bed by 1030, then 1130, now it's almost midnight. why can't i go to bed?? i have no self control, there are too many things i could be doing. i'm a night owl.
okay, shower then bed. now.

oh wait i wanted to write about our family date on saturday night. (see how i trick myself)

so Adam took us out to this amazing indian restaurant and we went to the mall and for ice cream.
it was perfect, and the food was AMAZING!!! bayley loved it. she loves chinese, japanese, vietnamese, korean and indian. i'm so proud : )

my new vera bradley items : ) lunchbag and makeup bag

i LOVE this song!! (ain't no reason by brett dennan) thanks honey.

encourage and declutter

2011-03-27T23:50:00.000-07:00

our house looks like we're moving or maybe like a tornado hit?

wow i have a lot of stuff, i can't wait to get rid of anything i don't find beautiful or useful.

The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak. ~Hans Hofmann

today i went to church with my friend Ashley and it was so refreshing, so peaceful. listening to the pastor speak about our "word" was encouraging and scary. we hold so much power in our words. we can be encouraging or discouraging. i want to be more encouraging. even if it may not seem to make sense or be possible, i don't think encouragement ever hurts.

to myself: you're on the right track Abbey. remember progression, not perfection and to thine own self be true.

to Adam: i am sorry i doubted your superhero couch moving powers.
great job honey.
we are a really good decluttering duo.

and to Ashley: thank you for helping me today and encouraging me when i was about to give up. it truly meant so much to me.

random reflection

2011-03-26T22:58:00.000-07:00

this afternoon i was laying on the couch reading a book called radical acceptance and it was talking about fear and how we are conditioned to fear at a very young age. a mom scowls at her child or the parents are unaccepting of the child and thus the child becomes fearful . if the negative behavior that causes the fear happens continuasly for a long period of time the child will grow up with a sense of fear. this happens on all levels, from mild fear to disabling anxiety. so as i was reading, bayley asked me to put on the wizard of oz. i was frustrated because i had just put on a movie for her and she changed her mind. as i held the dvd up my reflection in it almost knocked me out. i was borderline scowling and i didn't even know it. how could i be so clueless i was making such a harsh face? all those wrinkles were being more and more defined and who knows what bayley thinks of this face i make. so the first step to changing something is to acknowledge it. i'm grateful i saw my not so pretty reflection in my wizard of oz dvd today. i know everyone has grumpy faces, it's part of life. i just can't help but think that not only do our expressions have an effect on others, but ourselves as well. i'm sure our souls can feel us smiling and frowning and act accordingly.

what faces do you not know you're making throughout the day??

Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles. ~George Eliot

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
Thich Nhat Hanh

today

2011-03-25T22:22:00.000-07:00

today i:
deep cleaned one of my bathrooms and got rid of tons of stuff i don't use
ate a dark green leafy vegetable for dinner (puple kale is so yummy and healthy)

yummy crockpot spaghetti sauce my mom made mmmmmmm...

didn't lose my cool with bayley when she wouldn't go so sleep

rescued another snail
went for 2 walks
took my vitamins
vaccumed our room and the cat chair
took a nap

i feel good : )

Life loves to be taken by the lapel and told: "I am with you kid. Let's go." ~Maya Angelou

ok, now it's time for a movie and snuggling with adam
gnight

enjoying gray skies and life

2011-03-24T23:45:00.000-07:00

Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby. ~Langston Hughes

tonight, bayley had a hard time falling asleep because she was too hot. it's been cool and rainy which means windows closed and the heat on and too little fresh air. so i layed down a cool, clean, crisp sheet for her to lay on and opened her big window in her room. we fell asleep listening to the rain and wind and splashing of tires. it was truly one of the most relaxing experiences ever. fresh, rain kissed air was just what our evening souls needed.

oh, that and chocolate cupcakes. souls also need chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese frosting.

and on a wagon ride we saved a snail. this made my girl so proud. it is a baby girl snail named sally and she lives in the backyard now where she won't get "skwissed".

my mom took this picture, isn't it so cute. i can picture bayley at 40 now, maybe as a librarian or school teacher. i am so grateful my mom can come visit often and she helps us so much. our family is so lucky. you know my mom has been here cause the dishes and laundry are caught up.

tonight bayley asked me what i was grateful for as we were going to bed. i said "life" and she said "what does life mean mama?" great question to explore teacher bayley!!

to be continued...

what does "life" mean to you?

All men should strive
to learn before they die
what they are running from, and to, and why.
~James Thurber

spring loves and eyeball tacos

2011-03-24T00:04:00.000-07:00

lately i've been practicing the art of non judgement (very difficult task in our society), not only of others and of things but of myself. not to think of something as good or bad, but just as it is. it's all our personal opinion. like today i got a taco from this authentic mexican restaurant and they served weird tacos like head and tounge and eye. of course adventurous me thought "ok, i'll try the steamed beef and pork." three quarters through the beef taco a slimy piece of eyeball slid across my tongue. and i almost puked, but i kept thinking why was it so much worse to eat eyeball than filet or rump? some people like cow eyeballs and thats fine, i know that i don't, but i won't judge. i just won't eat it.

so speaking of eyeball tacos, don't you just love spring?
it's full of hope and so am i. i love all the colors and lush green grass and wild flowers on the side of the freeways. it's fresh and rainy and sunny and it's on it's way to summer.

i love the new spring dresses by tea for little girls, they are all cotton knit and feel super comfy. Thanks mom

pure happiness for days for 1.69

i will always idolize martha, she is awesome

no i didn't get a bunny, i got an ipad though!!! thank you mr. and mrs. clinton

"You must not ever stop being whimsical. And you must not, ever, give anyone else the responsibility for your life."

— Mary Oliver

hello day one

2011-03-22T23:46:00.000-07:00

tonight bayley and i danced and danced and danced and spun in circles. she said "look mommy the ground is moving" and i thought about it for a minute and was like ya, it is. it's all in our perspective. as i shifted my perspective, spinning in circles soon became a lot more fun. like we were on a giant merry go round and we were going dang fast. so i thought that was really cool. it's just one of the many times a day my girl teaches me and most days i feel like she teaches me way more than i teach her.

after her bath at night i wrap her up like a mummy and steal as many kisses as i can, tonight i was sure i was going to eat her cute little cheeks off. she oh so seriously looked at me and said "mom, you can't eat my cheeks. you can eat celery though." oh how i love her.

i have been blessed with the worst sinus infection of my life (well or maybe the only one, not sure)
and i'm not being sarcastic. it truly has been my wake up call to slow the hell down and start putting my true priorities first. you see i like to live in a little town called Denial and somehow i'm realizing that this place is just not working out for me. i like to be in denial and think that i can do everything, and i can't. it's impossible. so i'm striving for balance and not perfection. i like this new town called Reality, its' kinda weird cause i don't really know my way around, but i'm gonna know it like the back of my hand in no time. i'm gonna know everyone and live in a yellow house and know that sucky things happen and thats okay because i know it's not about the sucky things but how i will rise to the occasion and get through the obstacles. thats what counts.

so i'm introducing my 30 days til 30 project. it is about self improvement and working on the things that truly matter. we shall see where this goes, i can't wait!!

a post a day, with inspiration and mindfulness everyday

hello day one, i welcome you with an open heart

Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.

Walter Anderson

and let me say that this would not be possible without the love, kindness and encouragement from my wonderful husband. i love you Adam
"i love it when you contain me" -perfect couples
(we are soooo the cool couple)

back home

2011-03-11T01:26:00.000-08:00

Home is not where you live but where they understand you. ~Christian Morgenstern

composition

2011-03-09T23:55:00.000-08:00

Today i was starting to take this picture and i overheard a woman say to her friend "i'm sorry i'm not listening right now, i'm too consumed with this picture being taken" i looked over after taking a couple shots and smiled. she said "that is going to be a great picture, good composition". now i don't know who the heck that lady was or what she did, but i'd like to think she was some famous artist or musician and i really loved that she admired my "good composition" because this whole photography thing still feels so new to me and i crave positive feedback like some kind of crackwhore. I still feel like i have no idea what i'm doing most of the time and i'm just kinda like a musician playing by ear and not even knowing what notes are. And it feels good most of the time, just trusting my crazy instincts and not my camera settings or a photography degree (although i think that would be really nice).

i think composition is all about balance, and that makes sense because when i follow my instincts i always find balance.

and i really can't think of anything else to say except that i'm really happy and so is my girl
and i can't think of anything more important than that.

goodnight

we love and miss you daddy, see you soon and we'll be one big happy family!!

“As the traveler who has lost his way, throws his reins on his horse's neck, and trusts to the instinct of the animal to find his road, so must we do with the divine animal who carries us through this world”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

an unconventional day

2011-02-25T01:58:00.000-08:00

this morning bayley woke up at 4:35. strangely, i felt quite rested and alert.
she was hungry and wide awake, talking, singing, bringing her daddy her toy cars in bed.
i waded through the kitchen as i searched for snacks
i glanced at all the dishes i had left from the day before and felt guilty.
"i should do these now" i thought, so she ate and i rinsed and loaded the dishwasher and we made the best of the still, dark morning. About 5:30 rolled around and she started acting nutty. i knew it was time to go back to bed. Yes!!! i felt like i hit a wall and needed more sleep.
but then the cat puked all over and i had to clean that up...
...loving that method brand disenfectant spray(green spray bottle at target)
I refilled bayley's warm honey milk, tucked her in our bed (because she still comes in in the morning and i like it like that ) and felt that super relaxed, actually sleepy, comfy feeling i only feel maybe 4 times a year.
she talked for a while, wrestled with her pillow and tried to get comfortable.
the cat puked again and i fell asleep.
we woke up at 9am. i was still tired.
i cleaned up the cat puke and got breakfast for bayley.
off to my counseling appointment i went and was late because there was extra security on base and then there was an extra i.d check and i couldn't find my i.d. because i threw it in my purse and it happened to fall into the middle of my l.a. parent magazine.
the lady said they were suppossed to detain me if i didn't have my i.d.
i asked how long i could be detained for and was wondering if i could read a book too...?
some moments i really would like to be forced to sit alone for an alotted period of time with nothing to do...
what mother wouldn't, right?
the day plodded on
i came home later than expected and sensed adam was irritated
he watched bayley and then had to leave and work for 10 hours
i hope he got to eat his salad in peace and fly his remote control helicopter (i do think it's pretty cool and bayley loves it )
lunch consisted of a deli chicken, french bread and salad fixin's
usually when i make lunch i tear the whole kitchen up, boiling and frying, using all the burners on the stove
but today i needed simple, so the $6.95 rotisserie chicken was worth it's weight in "not so many dishes to do cause i'm feeling overwhelmed" and it was super tasty too.
so we had to run errands and i never plan them.
i just leave the house, hopefully with some baby wipes and diapers in the back seat
and wing it, not really knowing exactly where i'm going or what i'm planning on accomplishing
crazy right?
it usually ends with me not finishishing what i hadn't planned in the first place and a very cranky child who starts acting like she's on some kind of methamphedamines.
tonight wasn't much different
except i embraced it all...
we started driving to the mall, bayley fell asleep and i called my friend rachel back and we discussed toddler illness as i sat in the target parking lot with the car running.
40 minutes later i realized i was on empty and i needed her to wake up, rachels phone died and i turned off the car.
i went into the mall expecting to pay my victorias secret bill and get paper plates at target, but i was distacted by baby gap and the oh so social homosexual sales clerk.
he got me so excited to come back in a week to see the new spring collection and i almost bought bayley a pair of "ultra" skinny jeans for $30.
after my gap time warp wore off we went to the candy store and then rode the kiddie carousel
i felt guilty for all the time i wasted and had to induldge her
but then my shopping addiction came back and we headed into h&m
i left with a vintage blue and white flowered button down blouse and bright yellow leggings
the perfect new outfit for my girl that would photograph wonderfully.
we headed over to target where i browsed the aisles like i had all the time in the world
discussing with a fellow mom cleaning products (hello irony) and telling our toddlers to please not play with all the bottles because they have chemicals in them.
we left after bayley said "i'm really hungry mom" and i realized it was 6 oclock and dark outside
damn those indoor malls and the baby gap sales clerk
oh and my poor restraint
it was too late to go home and cook dinner so we headed to sharkeys and i got her a side of yams (her new favorite and mine too)
i got a side salad next door and we shared
bayley introduced me to the young lady in the booth next to us by throwing a napkin at her head and saying "she wants this"
the lady was so kind and thanked bayley for the napkin, wiping her face with the dirty thing just to appease my girl.
bayley smiled.
she used to be a preschool teacher and is now a nanny
she is also going to ba a candidate for bayley's new babysitter because she also babysits occasionally on weekends and bayley LOVED her!! halleleuja!!
we finished dinner with a mini cone of candy cane gelato and headed over to kohls
i had a thought to buy her some pjs and then i could finish my errands and if she fell asleep, great
i bought her a royal blue batman lego top and dinosaur bottoms on the clearance rack for a grand total of $4
bayley asked if they were for big boys and i said anyone could wear batman and dinosaurs
i dressed her and had no guilty feelings about not giving her a bath because last night i read about the rash she had and it said to keep bathing to 3 times a week maximum.
we went to trader joes, i love them for thier samples the most i think
she got her cookie and i got to shop, once again in some kind of grocery heaven trance
finally the cookie was gone and my phones battery died so there was no more rugrats episode 13 for her to enjoy.
time was up
i put the bag of argentinian shrimp in the cart and darted to the checkout
the checker loved her mismatched "boyish" pajamas and wanted a pair for herself, i believed her
they are super cool
we left and i just knew she would fall asleep on the way home, she always does
and it was 9pm, way late and i bought her pjs just so i could let her sleep without disrupting her when we got home
wide awake as we pull onto our street
"we're home" she squeals happily
i am way too tired for our usual bedtime routine
i tell her she gets to fall asleep on the couch tonight while she watches a movie and she's excited.
i start putting away groceries and picking up toys.
she watches the entire movie "up" and gets 1/3 the way through snow white and just couldn't fall asleep
it's 11pm
i feel so bad for letting her stay up so late and ask her if she is ready to go to bed
she says yes, which has never happened
i lay her in her bed, cover her and get her another cup of milk
she is asleep within seconds...
many of our days are predictable...
breakfast, cartoons, play, nap, maybe an outing, dinner and then our bedtime routine
but sometimes i need more, i need something different and maybe she does too i'm not sure
all i know is that i always feel so guilty for upsetting the "norm" the usual happenings and regular things society tells us is right
and tonight after embracing the random evening of mismatched pjs and a way too late bedtime
i realized that its nice to do someting different, even if it doesn't seem "right"
ya i should have been keeping up on laundry and mopping (ugh, mopping should be illegal)
and putting my child to bed at 7:45, and cleaning my oven and planning meals and life...
but sometimes you just have to let life plan itself, and it makes for a much more interesting story.

valentine's

2011-02-14T23:19:00.000-08:00

adam and i have this thing where we don't want to succumb to the whole consumerism part of valentines day. don't get me wrong, i love the target dollar bin holiday section and the craft store's valentine explosion.
we just don't like the whole way overpriced roses, menus, and tacky jewelry kinda thing.
and that's just us
to each his own
anyways,
i got flowers from the farmers market-red gerber daisies(my favorite)

and

today i:

stayed home and played grocery store with bayley

went out for pizza at "tony's" and ate outside by the firepit (perfect date, thanks honey)

and then had hot cocoa and walked down main street

what a beautiful, perfect, valentines day

love
love
love

joie de vivre

2011-02-09T00:35:00.000-08:00

Joie de vivre

(from the French joie, "joy"; de, "of"; vivre, "to live, living"; "the joy of living") is a term sometimes imported into English to express a cheerful enjoyment of life; an exultation of spirit. Joie de vivre

"can be a joy of conversation, joy of eating, joy of anything one might do… And joie de vivre may be seen as a joy of everything, a comprehensive joy, a philosophy of life, a Weltanschauung. Robert's Dictionnaire says joie is sentiment exaltant ressenti par toute la conscience, that is, involves one's whole being."[1]

castle building

banana bread maker

awesomeness

donovan came to visit

skater girl

one creative girl

pure sweetness

carpenteria & montecito (CA)

super powers

photoshoot with ashley and noelle = too much fun!!

(photo by ashley)

superbowl

my mom made these and i ate 2 at one sitting!!!

bath fun

yummy

feta dip

breakfast thingy with poached egg and salsa and sprouts on toast

sardine salad with meyer lemon

homemade buttermilk pancakes with mixed berry vanilla compote

my angel

funny

fun family time

santa barbara wharf and a new park

(photo by adam)

a favorite

and that's a wrap.....

goodnight

just kidding...

2011-01-31T23:39:00.000-08:00

we are sick...
well kinda
bayley teething with a fever
and i have REALLY bad allergies
so since i can't feel the right side of my face and can't really see out of my almost swollen shut eyeballs
this big mesh of photos and words i have planned will have to wait...
til i can function
and see

hello nyquil
goodnight world

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. ~Irish Proverb

at 4am this morning, bayley woke me up and had a fever
i was expecting her to be grouchy
no, not at all
the child was quite chipper
and exuberently said
"mama, i need a glass of cooooooold water i'm not feelin so well"
as we came down the stairs she yelled with even more enthusiasm
"i want to go on a merry go round!!!!!"
we proceded to give tylenol, eat pineapple and take a bath"
i went back to sleep at 7, she woke up at 830....me too

did i mention i'm delirious???

hang on

2011-01-30T23:35:00.000-08:00

we're goin big tomorrow...

in the mean time check out my fav purses

http://www.verabradley.com/

i got the mandy in folkloric and i love it!!!

also loving these websites

http://www.ohdeedoh.com/

http://susanbranch.com/

http://www.cathkidstonusa.com/

http://www.iheartfaces.com/

and it's day four of bayley sleeping in her OWN room!!!

We are so proud of you Bayley Boo!!!!

xoxo

life lessons from Bayley

2011-01-20T01:16:00.000-08:00

2 year olds are extremely confident, honest and precocious

here are some fun tips from bayley that may boost your self esteem, honesty, or get you some weird looks:

put some new hairclips in your hair and walk down the stairs and say:
"ta ta ta daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i'm a princess!!!"

when some one says i love you respond "i know"

don't ever be afraid to ask questions, any questions at all, like:

mommy, what's on your lips??
dry skin
ewwwwwwwwwww

the next time you are eating dessert with someone, look them right in the eyes and say "i like you"

sing your favorite song out loud several times a day (hopefully it's not happy birthday captain from the wiggles show)

walk up to a complete stranger and enthusiastically tell them that you have bubble gum!!!

just know that you know everything, just like Bayley
and if you don't know, without hesitation ask "WHY?!"

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

Happy Birthday Mom

2011-01-12T02:10:00.000-08:00

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. ~Larry Lorenzoni

cocoons and pictures

2011-01-12T01:56:00.000-08:00

i am so tired and all i want to do is go take a bath and eat a cup of noodles

but i also want to put up some pictures of some fun

also, i am quite devastated to find out that butterflies only live for 3-4 weeks
we are hatching some and i've become so attatched and they haven't even turned into the butterflies yet...

the whole process is just baffling to me
how do they know when to go get into thier cocoons??
why can't i "just know and be programmed" to do things like that
maybe i'm too tired to have these thoughts
maybe i'll just share my photos

hello gorgeous

baby kallie has stolen my heart and i am now the baby whisperer

trying to steal her, but they wouldn't let me...

the zoo with lynn and kiddos

korean bbq with baby shane and sleep deprived bayley

and my sweet girl who i love more and more every second
she is growing up so fast and i love every minute of this crazy toddler stage
well maybe not every minute...
like when we were at whole foods and she swiped herself a handful of guatemalan roast coffee beans and threw them over her head with all of her might whilst dripping her redberry smoothie all over the floor for three aisles.

but see now i am laughing at it and smiling so i really do love it all

and one day i will grocery shop alone

and i'll be so bored and lonely

just like daddy

tonight:

"is daddy workin?"
"ya. do you miss him?"
"uh huh, i do. i love him"
"me too"

thank you for making me a delicious breakfast honey

okay
seriously
it's time for my cocoon

peace

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly, "one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower." ~Hans Christian Anderson

The butterfly counts not months but moments, and has time enough. ~Rabindranath Tagore

less

2011-01-04T07:45:00.000-08:00

this is my word for 2011

less clothes, less laundry

less food, less wasted

less worrying, less stress

less, less, less!!!

"very little is needed to make a happy life;
it is all within yourself,
in your way of thinking."
-marcus aurelius

off to san diego for some good fun!!

hope everyone is having a wonderful new year!!

twenty eleven

2011-01-01T02:11:00.000-08:00

‘You owe it to us all to get on with what you’re good at.’ ~W. H. Auden

woooooooooooooooooooooo hooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

happy new year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

christmas and all that crap

2010-12-31T01:50:00.000-08:00

i wonder if shakespere made sure all his dishes were done before he sat down to write??

i'm finishing off the rest of the "electric reindeer" cabernet, trying to think of how i'm going to mash everything into this post.

blogging for me is similar to laundry
i'm all caught up and everything is nice and put away into drawers and words...
and then i get all laxy-daisy
like
oh no everything is caught up
but then we are out for the day
and the next
and i make dinner
and a mess
and then there's no time for blogging or laundry
because i'm tired and i'm scraping off crusted dinner from pots
and picking up.......~~crap~~ toys
and begging for sleep

and then it's like 3 weeks later and i'm in the weeds bad

thank goodness my mom performed miracles and did ALL of our laundry while she was visiting for christmas (like heaps in every room that could clothe several villages)
amen to that!!! thank you thank you mom!!!

so in my efforts not to keep repeating this naughty pattern
i have been washing and folding
and now here i am

look at me : )

writing and picture-ing

so today on our way to meet rachel and sophie at the library
bayley was talking like usual

"mom, is that junk food?
taco bells is junk food
i want a scarf
and i want to wear it like you
and it's gonna be pink
and you'll have an orange one
and daddy will have a blue one and it will be a big boy scarf"

and that was all strung together in one sentance without breaths
and then it was silent

and i just smile so big, because she is just so awesome

like whenever i give her any kind of treat (sugar)
she gets all lovey dovey and and hugs and kisses me like i am some mesiah

and last night she dropped her binky on the floor and i picked it up and washed it and she said
"did it have craps on it?"
"i love lobsters"
get it, like she doesn't know the difference between crap and crab hahahahah

so here is our christmas

drumroll please

...fabulous...wonderful...simple...meaningful...crazy...
imperfect-perfection

i love to celebrate
and i love all the apple cinnamon pinecone eggnog gingerbread latte things the season brings, and lights and parties where your toddler dropkicks the mechanical reindeer and it disassembles and crashes to the ground simultaneously, resembling some kind of jiu-jitsu act.

anyways, what i really love is just being with family and friends and laughing and loving it all and not taking anything too seriously.

blog post title quoted from my dear grandma who i called on christmas eve
and the first words out of her mouth were "well merry christmas and all that crap"

2010,

thank you for the most transformative year of my life
i will always remember you fondly

happy last day of the year, let's make it a good one!!!

i like this

2010-12-26T22:24:00.000-08:00

I just read this from
http://www.consistent-parenting-advice.com/how-to-discipline-children.html

and i really like it

now to implement some of it would be my next step

How to Discipline Children

by Being Clear, Firm, and Consistent

The beginning of how to discipline children starts at their birth.

The loving, respectful relationship that we grow with our children right from the start makes it possible for us to guide them toward positive behaviour.

It is about setting up trust and guiding our children toward being able to make good choices for themselves.

As our children develop a stronger sense of self we help them to learn the right way by matching our methods with their age and ability.

Experience has shown me that the answer to the question of how to discipline children is:

Children learn best by being given

clear firm and consistent direction

from parents who are clear, firm and consistent in their approach.

How to Discipline Children by Being CLEAR

Firstly find and maintain clarity within yourself, and then follow through on simple, clear instructions

Clarify for yourself what being clear means:

It is about being plain, obvious, and understandable in a clear, short sentence that explains exactly what you mean.

It isn't about maybe this or maybe that.

Often parents have no idea that they chop and change their minds within minutes. To become clear about your own patterns of behaviour, observe yourself and ask for your partner's help in this.

"We are going to tidy up your toys in five minutes", is clear and direct. Follow this with,

"Please help me tidy up your toys now" and it means just that.

Be firm with yourself about this. It doesn't mean soon, or later, but now.

I have seen parents give out this simple instruction, then become distracted themselves by a television programme, conversation or magazine, forgetting they have made this statement.

What their children observe is parents saying one thing and doing another and this gives a much distorted message. Multiplied over many times each day, is it any wonder that children cease to follow simple instructions?

How to Discipline Children by Being FIRM

Firstly find and maintain firmness for yourself and then follow through with firm clear directions in a firm, clear tone.

Clarify for yourself what being firm means:

To be firm is to be certain, definite, and determined. It is also being loving, kind and calm.

It means saying no and meaning no, or saying yes and meaning yes and sticking to it. It's about now being now.

How often does your no become perhaps, later, maybe giving in, next time, soon, or alright then? This is a very common fault in how to discipline children and again it leads to numerous mixed messages for children.

Resolve within yourself and with your partner's help to ascertain how often you are both easily swayed into changing your decisions.

Are you allowing your children to manipulate you? Imagine how simple your life will become when you are clear and firm within yourself.

It is every child's right to KNOW they can trust their parent's boundaries. So firstly, become firm with your own boundaries and then apply this to your parenting discipline.

"It is bedtime, (bath time, meal time) in five minutes" is a clear direction. Now follow through on this.

Giving the direction in a calm, clear, firm tone of voice helps your children to understand that you mean what you say.

Being firm is about being in control of both yourself and the situation.

How to Discipline Children by Being CONSISTENT

Firstly find and maintain consistency for yourself and then follow through with a firm, clear, consistent approach.

Clarify for yourself what being consistent means:

To be consistent is to be reliable, dependable and constant.

These words immediately convey comfort don't they?

Let's look at the opposite of being consistent.

Contradictory, unpredictable, changeable. That's definitely lacking in comfort and safety.

So how do you want to be seen by your children?

Do you want them to feel safe and sure and trusting of you?

Do you want them to think of you as reliable and true?

Do you want them to know they can trust your words, your actions and your tone of voice?

To begin with it can seem quite time consuming to concentrate on clear, firm, consistent guidelines. Be aware that this is very true. It takes concentrated effort and time to change old habits to new ones, but if you maintain consistency, you will be very surprised how quickly new patterns of behaviour are formed.

Firm, clear and CONSISTENT adherence to daily routines creates both sociable, happy children and calm, contented parents

very merry

2010-12-24T01:55:00.000-08:00

Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas. ~Peg Bracken

oh i couldn't agree more
bah humbug to all the rushing and craziness and overdoneness
tomorrow it's cookie baking, singing songs and movie watching

I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys. ~Charles Dickens

vacation

2010-12-22T00:41:00.000-08:00

right now as my mind races and i fuel up on extra strong guatemalan coffee
i can hear a deep, raspy, has a hanging on cold, little voice downstairs.
she is singing jingle bells.
i stop thinking so much and worrying
and i remember what this time is all about and am so grateful for my little moppet
she is like my guru
gently bringing me back, reminding me that this moment is all we have and it is a grand one indeed
like...
"hey mom, can you make those wheels stop turning in your head for just a minute, cause i wanna go splash in puddles and find some worms outside"

you see, my mind didn't race at all while i was on vacation.

maybe because i was too busy having fun...

my soul sister
maybe it's a good thing we don't live next door, because we would just stay up til 3am EVERY night talking about every possible awesome thing in the universe

as you can see
my family is very good at having fun
it's hereditary

it was funny, right before i was leaving i was in trader joes. i was talking to some guy about how long my smoked salmon would last and my vacation came up
he asked where i was going and i said salt lake city and san antonio
he said "well that doesn't sound like a vacation"
i smiled and thought in my head "well you don't know my family..."
because my vacation was better than a vacation
it was enriching, energizing and full of love
homemade dinners
laughter
late nights
comfy beds and old quilts
kid parks and bug exhibits
carmel corn
acorn scavenging
amazing restaurants
picturesque streets lined with multi-colored foliage
great musicians everywhere ( i want to learn how to play guitar)
and just a whole bunch of great down to earth people that i love so very much and am glad to be a part of.

thank you Dad, for all these fun times
i can't wait to come back to san antonio to see you and the children

and thank you Linsey and Lamar and the girls for letting us stay with you and make messes and break stuff
it was a blast!!!

back in port hueneme now where the rain hasn't stopped in 6 days
let the christmas movie marathon begin!!!

what's your all time favorite Christmas movie???
i need some suggestions

You will find meaning in life only if you create it.
It is not lying there somewhere behind the bushes,
so you can go and you search a little bit and find it.
It is not there like a rock that you will find.
It is a poetry to be composed,
it is a song to be sung,
it is a dance to be danced.

-Osho

stay tuned for a post about my wonderful husband...

coming soon...

2010-12-19T00:25:00.000-08:00

fun tales of our traveling adventures...
and our christmasy-ness

right now, i'm covered in dried paint from crafting
and i hear the rain making the perfect white noise
and my bed is calling my name

tomorrow
big
blog
post

leaving on a jetplane

2010-12-06T08:17:00.000-08:00

leaving on a plane to utah, then san antonio!!
visiting family
excited and nervous about the flights

yesterday morning adam's snoring woke bayley up
after not being able to go back to sleep,
she said

"mama, i think daddy's purrin"

last night adam asked if he had a clean uniform
bayley says
"a clean unicorn??"

oh she is too cute!!!

i have a new computer yay!!!!
thanks mom

now i need to organize my photos......hmmmm

been feeling extra sentimental and festive

like i can't contain it all

the smell of christmas trees

warm cozy fires

just drinking it all up

the magic is all being brought back now that bayley is here and "getting it"

she reminds me what is important

christmas light gazing

cookie making

song singing

and all those things are the easy and meaningful things

so why does everyone go nuts spending more money than they have on a bunch of "stuff" no one needs or wants???

not sure, but i'm hoping i won't fall victim this Christmas.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

we will miss you so much Daddy!!!

we love you sooooooo much

see you soon and don't have too much fun without us ; )

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

wishing everyone a simple and meaningful holiday season

now go drink some peppermint hot cocoa and sing jingle bells!!

peace

out

a few words

2010-12-01T01:04:00.000-08:00

i want to blog so badly, but i want to blog on my computer!!!

my computer went black on Thanksgiving, makes me kinda sick inside thinking about it. i have a weird connection with it, ya strange i know....luckily my Mom is giving me hers and i will be up and running soon. the good part is that since i haven't been using my computer, i have been using my washer and dryer (neglected appliances). so there's always a good side to everything.

today we crafted with sophie and rachel
we made reindeer pinecone ornaments, which kinda look like pinecone alien ornaments, which make me love them even more.

yesterday, i had to run to the store and bayley insisted on wearing my orange hooters shorts from a million years ago (can you believe they fit her?) over her blue pants and her "pirate hat" along with a leopard print jacket. you can only imagine the looks i was getting at jo-anns fabric store as she ran down each aisle like a wild banchee. it was fun

today she was telling me the wizard of oz was on tv, but it was on a commercial (it was on the night before and she LOVED watching it). i told her that it wasn't on right now, but maybe santa would buy her the movie for Christmas. she said it again only this time with feeling and at the end she said quite sassily "mama, do you understand??? do you understand me mama??" hmmmmmmm i wonder where she got that from???

well the holidays are here and i'm making a pact not to let stress get the best of me, cause i can do that sometimes and totally miss the whole point of something. i'm going to break my "overdoing of everything" pact i have with the universe, it's really tough and it feels weird like walking into a strangers house and using thier bathroom.
weird
well i'm ready to take on the challenge and tame my inner contol freak lion.
bring it

blog post complete
without photos
oh well
words are pretty too

goodnight november

cramming

2010-11-19T00:27:00.000-08:00

so i have like ten thousand photos i'd like to share, but i need to get to bed before midnight tonight since i keep saying i'm going to sleep, but then i find other things more important like internet shopping, drinking wine and doing dishes...

so i am doing a blog cramming session

5 minute cram session before i turn into a pumpkin
and by pumpkin, i mean scary-sleepdeprived-crazy-madwoman who hasn't gone to bed before 2 for the past 3 nights

so we went to the beach this morning and it was fabulous even though i had to carry bayley and our bags and sand toys and balance my spilling peppermint mocha
girlfriend loves playing in the sand
not walking in it!!

damn 5 minutes til midnight

ugh.....photos load faster!!!

things going thru my head...
i love benadryl
i wish i didn't slouch
where are we going to put the Christmas tree
i want to go to a flea market
i wish it was morning
i have a lot on my plate and feel crazy--good crazy
i need sleep
i can't wait to put up the new orange shower curtain i found at ross for 5 bucks
photobucket just got cooler
more chocolate

this is her pirate hat as she calls it

i clean these blocks up 3 times a day, fun huh??

which one??

then she stuck both in her mouth, kinda makes me think of a smoker smoking 2 cigarettes at the same time...no not the same

shoe rack turned into a family paper organizer

flea market quilt for $5

and the cutest little kid ever

daddy and uncle aaron

handsome boys

before our mall trek
by the end of the night bayley was pretending she was a cat and had stopped talking and was only meowing, we just went along with it. i can't imagine what the workers at macys thought of us
"do you have a furball miss kitty?" my mom asked her as i was petting her head
"meeeeeeeowwwwwwwwww"

a few of my favorite things

tomorrow is oprahs favorite things show, last one you know

last night my mom and i stayed up late drinking wine and thought up the grand idea of biking across america with bayley
wouldn't that be a great blog to follow???
well if bayley sang her abcs like she did tonight in the car i wouldn't make it out of the driveway
it went something like
"abcdefgabcdefgabcdefg" in that kind of voice you use to describe someone who just goes on and on about something and is really irritating...kinda like fran dresher from the nanny complaining...ya

i'm off to bed feeling happy
my mom bought me flowers and chocolate and adam has 3 days off

and bayley knows her abcs

amen to that!!!

5 minute post, um sure

damn,i think i turned into a pumpkin

(hair after beach, i call it the fancy poodle)

the good stuff

2010-11-07T01:54:00.000-07:00

ok, so i keep trying to think up something really inspiring and fun and clever to write about, but that is not exactly how i am feeling so i will keep thinking and in the meantime write shortly about this weeks good stuff.
because no matter how cloudy and crazy my brain gets, there is always good stuff. and i can find that easily from the 77 pictures i've taken in the past week.

tea party picnics in the living room

a random drive where we found this view at the top

yummy family dinners since Adam worked days this week

bayley gets so wild in the evening, it's like "okay i'm performing now and everyone had better watch"

we had some record breaking temps this week and it was so fun. we had some lazy summer days and bayley played with the hose for what seemed like hours ( the water shortage didn't seem to bother me because i hadn't seen her that entertained since we stuck her in a huge tub of dry beans at the harvest festival)

a girls night out with a good friend and fabulous food, thanks jeanette

some time at the park with rachel and sophie. i don't know why, but i really don't like going to the park without a friend. i find it incredibly boring...so shoot me
don't get me wrong i love spending time with bayley, but i would rather not have to climb jungle gyms and it makes me feel so bad, because it seems like all the other moms are having a blast, but i am not.
this reminds me of the other day when i did take her to the park alone, and we began to walk across this fake boulder about 5 ft tall and apparantly i freaked out and then she freaked out and i told her to sit down and then i was stuck and she was crying and i had to yell to another mom to help us because we were stuck. it was mildly embarrasing to say the least and i think i scarred bayley for life.

anywho...

and today we had hot "cah-lock-lat" as she says
and she drank out of a big girl mug that was mine when i was little.
i love beatrix potter and lucky for me she has been requesting the little books lately.

no matter how mundane things seem sometime, no matter how bad my pms is, no matter a scourching day or a hot cocoa day. there are always good things. and that is more than enough for me.

may everyone find their good stuff
good night

Halloween

2010-11-02T23:20:00.000-07:00

boo!!

2010-11-01T00:28:00.000-07:00

attention

2010-10-20T10:44:00.000-07:00

okay seriously what the heck??

my blog has become that neglected child at the playground who never gets any attention. matted hair, messy faced, stained clothes and no supervision...
poor thing.

so now i will do what any decent guilt ridden mother would do.

over-induldge the kid

okay little blog, we're goin to disneyland and you can eat as much junk from the candy palace as you want.

*******************************************************************************

San Diego trip September 2010

this trip re-energized every cell in my body

my town was having a heat wave which was heavenly since we really didn't get much of a summer this year.

burning the candle at both ends, staying up til 3 in the morning just to talk
seeing family and friends
and drinking in the city that is my Home

pure bliss

and wanna know the icing on the cake??

after a long drive home and feeling a new kind of exhaustion my body didn't know possible, i arrived to a spotless home, a beautifully rearranged bedroom and presents from my sweetheart.
it made me so ectstatically happy.

so here we go

a great little dessert place called Babycakes. On 5th ave in Hillcrest.

influx cafe, yummy homemade granola and great coffee

chara and tyler are having a baby!!! the baby shower was great fun.

i made these cupcakes from a recipe on the blog "joy the baker"
i couldn't get them to look cute, but they were delicious!!

fall in san diego, it really does exist

lil punkin is growing at an amazing speed, i swear she looks 5 in these photos.

as i ask her what she will be for halloween, she has 3 different answers

a pirate
a ghost
or
a pumpkin+-

so we shall see

i am loving fall even though we don't have pretty colored trees and piles of leaves to jump in. last night we had a lightening storm and it rained huge fierce drops as we cuddled inside putting out halloween decorations and watching "Eloises Halloween" for the hundreth time.

-

picture- no words

2010-10-13T08:59:00.000-07:00

toodoo

2010-10-03T08:34:00.000-07:00

sitting here writing my to do list which probably is the sum of five borderline normal persons to do lists...
scanning the floor cause i think i see a bug, but there are too many pieces of dried food and dust bunnies to distinguish anyways
somehow vaccuming still isn't at the top of my list, but making a cool magnetic chalkboard is!! Loews here I come!!!
i'm so obsessed with deorating and making our home feel homier right now, but it's ironic because we have a 2 year old. and two year olds have thier own decorating ideas. most of which include dried up playdough EVERYWHERE and lots of small plastic parts sprinkled on the floor of every room. hmmmmm i was envisioning more of a pottery barn/anthropology-esque feel...
but i'm sure the playdough will win

to do list:
make bean soup
make cupcakes
make football snacks: rosemary cashews, salami/cheese plate
go to loews
finish laundry
redo/clean downstairs bathroom
go to michaels for more creative junk
have a relaxing restful day, maybe do some yoga??

i think monday is a better day for vaccuming...don't you??
okay here i go!!

binge and purge

2010-09-21T23:35:00.000-07:00

so i'm going through a de cluttering phase and trying to decide what i want to keep and what needs to be tossed. not just physical stuff, but mental clutter too, which often gets the best of me. there are so many things that i love and i love to do and lately i feel like i just get caught up in doing "tasks" and then get overwhelmed and irritable. and then i go out and drink ten martinis and throw up and feel guilt ridden forever.

so i'm not gonna do that again

so i am learning,
learning what i can do without and what i need to thrive.
and it's tricky, because sometimes the things we avoid the most are the things we need the most.
i started thinking about this stuff when i was cleaning out my fridge.
how i put it off and put it off until one day i open up the fridge and out tumbles a moldy grape, a head of lettuce and it basically looks like someone took the fridge, threw it into the eye of a tornado and then kindly gave it back to me.
so i started tossing, rearanging, checking dates and wondering why i couldn't let go of the old piece of cheese that had made it through the past 2 fridge cleanings.
i think it's kinda like this with our brains too.
sometimes we have to clean it all out, let it go, accept what is and not let the old stuff get in the way of new stuff.
...before we become too desparate and drink the ten martinis

so i'll stop talking philosophical fridge talk and get on with it.

i am so sad that i haven't been blogging very often, so in an attempt to change that i needed to give myself a nice new creative space.

and so far it's helping cause here i am!!

my little goosey goose is growing up faster than i can comprehend

she is talking like a person and we have conversations all day long.
about princess homework
and her home
and her family (which consists of like 20 random stuffed animals and babies that we have to bring everywhere)
about snacks and how she always wants one
and feelings "mommy angry??"
and pooping
and birthdays
and puppies and cats
and her favorite movies "the aliens" & "the balloon movie" (planet 51 & up)
and songs, today it was "waltzing matilda" and i wondered how she knows it cause i've never sang it to her.
and empire state of mind by jayz, she loves that one

we've been doing all the things i've dreamed of
like
making forts

being artists

eating cupcakes

and oh how she loves this crazy cat

miss kitty is such a kind soul

our days have been filled with adventures of all kinds

what could this be?? a daddy-bayley monster??

i am so ecstatic for fall even though we kinda fake our fall here in socal.
i am anticipating walks on blustery days with spiced cider, pumpkin bread, simmering soup on sunday, cozy sweaters and cute boots, chicken wings and football, comfy cozy couch nights and seeing family and friends.

"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on."
– Havelock Ellis

i feel funky

2010-08-25T23:12:00.000-07:00

I have to wake up at 730, so i should go to bed.
but i can't, i need some alone time and sleeping just doesn't count.
maybe it's some kind of only child syndrome, but if i don't get some pure alone time i get pretty crabby.
and by alone time, i mean by myself, not having to DO anything yet hopefully choosing a creative outlet to help me remember who i am again.

so i sit here sipping some pinot grigio thinking about way too many things and it feels great.
i hear a hum of the baby monitor and a fat cat thumping down the stairs. shoot, i have to put her flea medicine on her.
i see the choppy ends of my new bangs i cut myself yesterday and a pile of books and journals and to do lists on my desk.
i smell nothing which reminds me that i forgot to light my aromatherapy diffuser with orange and rosemary essential oils which should help my funk i'm in.

_____________________________________________________________________________

last week or was it two weeks ago, i went to see a movie for the first time since Bayley was born.
(i'm not counting the time i tried to go see julie and julia, but got too drunk and had to be escorted home by my friends)

we saw....

my friend Jeanette and I had quite a marvelous evening

I can still taste the sushi...mmmmmm...
i think i could live on japanese food for the rest of my life

we went to a fancy movie theatre that made me feel kinda out of the loop
we got to pick out our seats on a touch screen monitor before the movie...crazy new stuff these days
red velvet reclining seats, a pretty much empty movie theatre and Julia Roberts playing in a movie i've been waiting to see for months....heaven

we laughed and whispered and i ate way too many mango ginger chews and it was just grand.

speaking of big events, Bayley had her first haircut on August 18 2010
i just needed to see her with bangs and even up the back
and oh was she proud and so excited!!
it was the cutest thing to watch and then telling people after "i got my haircut and a lollipop" i truly think the lollipop was the only reason she went for it.

and the only reason i went for it was because my mom was there to tell me that it would be okay
it was a big deal to me...these "firsts" are going by way too fast!!!

and voila she's a little girl with a haircut and a lollipop

____________________________________________________________________________

and i love this photo and how he dances with her and plays princesses with her and watches the alien movie over and over and over again just to see that big amazing grin that just melts your heart.

____________________________________________________________________________

and i love how she sits on the counter and helps me make dinner and snacks on vegetables

__________________________________________________________________________

Maga took us to the fair and i think i had the most fun cause I got to jump way high in this contraption

her favorite ride

she had to sit on every color

___________________________________________________________________________

and a Mommy-Daughter day that was super duper fun

_____________________________________________________________________________

funky turned spunky

g'night

Happy Tuesday

2010-08-24T08:09:00.000-07:00

Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be. ~Grandma Moses

cute

2010-08-11T23:03:00.000-07:00

oh how I love this little girl you are turning into Bayley Boo.

some cute saying this past month

"let's turn the dark on"
when i raised my voice at her to get into bed she said "i gonna go find mama"
"i love my friends"
she calls her stepstool a toadstool
"i don't put money in my mouth....just brownies"
sitting at a table at the fair, she picks up a lotto brochure, looks at it and says "i need a appetizer"

too cute for words!!!

back home

2010-08-03T22:54:00.000-07:00

we are home from our trip to utah, it was fabulous and refreshing. and today i was faced with piles of laundry and unpacking to do. i did good and i even made a pot roast and cookies whilst putting away 5 loads of laundry and going through suitcases filled with every random item imaginable including a sippy cup filled with a stench so bad i'm still nauseated from it. and i really would like to write more about our trip and i will, but right now i am going to finish watching Matilda, eat some cookies and go to sleep.

Thank you Dad for the great trip. Thank you Linsey and Lamar and the girls for being such wonderful hosts!!! And thank you Aunt Julie for showing me how to make jam.

lots more pics to come!!!

stuffed

2010-07-17T06:54:00.000-07:00

you know when you are having a crazy craving for a particular food and then when you finally eat the entire jalapeno pineapple pizza and you are so incredibly stuffed and your craving is long gone because you went ahead and indulged lavishly...

well, i think i will feel like that after this blog post, because i've been craving the feeling of putting together a nice long stream of pictures and words and have been putting it off far too long now.

we made bread, and although it took half the day it was so worth it!!! the smell of fresh steaming bread is one of my favorite smells in the world. slather it with butter and i'll eat the whole loaf!!

we took a trip down to san diego for my grandmas 85th birthday and stopped in the town of san juan capistrano on the way. now that is a town i love!! quaint shops, the beach, and tons of big shade trees.
and the best part was the huge petting zoo where there were hundreds of animals, especially bunnies.

lot's of beach trips have been happening and boy does she LOVE the beach. sit her down with a bucket and a shovel and she's in heaven

by my standards, summer officially started on tuesday (when the marine layer finally burnt off and the temp rose above 72).

it was the day bayley started her first swimming lessons.
barbeques were sniffed.
seatbelts were hot.
old jeans turned into nice new cut offs.
fans were blowin'.
and you can just smell the summer air when you wake up.

the fourth in all it's glory

well that feels much better

bye bye for now

Bayley highlights

2010-07-08T22:58:00.000-07:00

says "I see sumpin out da weendow"

doing the stairs all by herself

wants to do EVERYTHING all by herself

loves to turn on music and dance and jump on the bed

loves ice cream with sprinkles and m&ms

loves to read books

just started liking to watch movies

sings happy birthday to us several times a day

loves broccoli and barbeque chicken

says "i need dat" to everything

loves princesses and knows all their names

said to me yesterday "ah man, what da heck"

splashes in the bathtub with her legs and thinks it is so hilarious that she belly laughs til she turns purple

when she hears a baby or kid crying says to me "mommy i want to help her". so sweet!

can almost sing the whole abc song

loves taylor swift

says "doonin" instead of "doing"

talks more than i've ever heard a 2 yr old talk, i think she thinks she's 5

big girl

2010-07-04T00:41:00.000-07:00

introducing the big girl princess bed

tonight i squished into a toddler sized bed and put her to sleep.

she fell asleep shortly after asking for "a pickle mama??" and "a different bed?"

i stuck to my guns, she was fine

she is asleep in her big girl bed and i am happy.

it is at the foot of our bed for now since she is transitioning out of our bed.

oh how i love my Bayley and have enjoyed the two years of co-sleeping and snuggling,

but the snuggling has turned into a foot in the face and an almost black eye for mommy

and sleep is very precious to me

so....

i love cheap polyester disney princess bedding that can get my big girl to sleep in a bed of her own.

and i love Adam for spending 2 hours putting 500 small pieces of wood together to finally make a bed

"dada made a bed" Bayley says, and yes he did.

I love you Bayley, Mama is so proud of you!!!

Happy Birthday to you....

2010-06-18T01:26:00.000-07:00

i am so glad you were born, oh how different my life would have been if not for you. i know sometimes we want to rip each others heads off because of our differences, but i love you heart and soul and i hope all of your wishes come true today and always.

Bayley Boo is TWO!!!

2010-06-14T23:34:00.000-07:00

she's two

i can't believe it

i remember when my mom and i went to paris when i was 5 months pregnant. our main mission was to buy cute little baby girl clothes. oh how fun it was wondering down cobblestone streets eating chocolate croissants and going into every baby store we came across. petit bateau was my favorite. simple, pretty colors and all cotton. we bought several items in a variety of sizes. my mom told me to get some things in bigger sizes. it didn't seem as fun, but we found a pair of pink striped pajamas in 2T. those pajamas were transfered from closets to drawers and moved houses and the whole time i couldn't imagine her fitting into them.

they fit now

and now i can hardly picture her tiny little 5 and a half pound and how she fit so perfectly in just one arm of mine. i miss the little bitty baby days, and i am fighting back the tears as i write, but i am happy. so happy. because even though i miss the baby days, it's so much more fun now.

we talk...
and have tea parties...
and go to starbucks...
and read together...
and watch movies...

and i remember bringing her home from the hospital 8 long days after she was born and being the most nervous wreck in the world. i remember thinking "just let her get bigger so i don't have to worry about her this much." funny, that never happened. but i do have a huge confidence in her and along with some parental supervision this girl can do anything!!! and soon she won't even need that supervision and i will write and cry even more then.

i am grateful that tonight i get to snuggle up with my girl and know she is healthy, happy and loved.

and 2!!!!

Happy Birthday Bayley Boo, I love you so very much!!!
you are so smart, it's actually starting to scare me!!! i am so lucky to be your mama. you teach me more and more everyday and make me want to do better. you have an amazing soul and can do anything you want to do in this world. lots of hugs and kisses

love forever and ever,

Mama

you will always be my tiny dancer!!!

reset

2010-05-29T01:48:00.000-07:00

i've been feeling so scattered...

like i have had so much going on in my brain that it's on overdrive and i would like to please press a reset button.

but no, i couldn't find one and i couldn't find an "easy " button that dumb staples commercial talks about either.

so i've just been keeping on auto pilot even though i really just want to say screw my to do list and obligations and go lay on the couch and eat a chocolate sheet cake and watch "you've got mail" followed by many episodes of "Dharma and Greg" whilst flipping through the magazines i haven't read.....ahhhh one day soon, because now that is also on my to do list.

i stress out extremely easily and i really hate it, but that's just how i've always been. yoga helps and so does acupuncture and i haven't done either in a while....add to to do list.

i wonder why i stress out so easily???

do you like broccoli??? i do, and i grew this!!! can you believe it??!! I am so proud!!! Even though Adam didn't want to eat it cause the aphids kinda took over and colonized in it. I say, extra protein and I'll take a bug (or 100) over a pesticide spray anyday!! haha he did take a bite and said it was good!!

I took Bayley to a dress up princess tea party and she was so cute!!

she is changing faster than i can keep up with her, maybe thats partially why i haven't posted in a while. i feel like i need to record every little detail of her existence because it is vanishing right before my eyes. but i know that is not possible and i would rather just be with her than constantly "capturing the moment" although that doesn't stop me from taking a whole bunch of pictures. i would truly love to record every little thing we do, but we just have too much fun to be able to do that!!!

i made bayley this pink pillow case and love it, no pattern!!! (never used a pattern on anything though..haha)

and my beautiful friend rachel and her daughter sophie

i am so grateful to have met you

we are soul sisters : )

tomorrow we are going to san diego to see mom and grandma and auntie chara who is turning 30!!!

and to wish a wonderful friend good luck on his new adventures.

it should be a great weekend!!

p.s.
auto pilot works great for house cleaning. dishes and laundry caught up. check.
my creative pile...maybe next week after yoga

"IT COSTS SO much to be a full human being that there are very few who have

the enlightenment or the courage to pay the price. One has to abandon

altogether the search for security and reach out to the risk of living with

both arms open. One has to embrace the world like a lover. One has to accept

pain as a condition of existence. One has to court doubt and darkness as the

cost of knowing. One needs a will stubborn in conflict, but apt always to

total acceptance of every consequence of living and dying."

Morris West

this is so awesome

2010-05-20T23:09:00.000-07:00

i've been...

2010-05-10T23:38:00.000-07:00

fill in the blanks with any of the following :

-busy
-hanging out with family
-taking pictures
-overwhelmed

-feeding ducks

-thinking

-having hay fever

-having fun

-tired

-being a mom

-just being...

be back soon

love

abbey

simply beautiful

2010-05-10T23:24:00.000-07:00

simply perfect

i love you bayley boo. just enjoying you and loving you for being perfect just the way you are.

love always,
mama

Busy

2010-05-05T00:05:00.000-07:00

Adam had elbow surgery and is recovering. Bayley says with feeling "Dada boo boo, OUCH!!" Adam's Mom Cheryl has been here helping out and we've been having lots of fun and I've been kinda busy spending my nights finishing THIS!!!! Yes, I know she is almost 2 now, but I will catch up. So I have lots of pictures and words to post, but for now I need some sleep.
nighty night

Please Help!!!!!

2010-04-27T22:11:00.000-07:00

PRINCESS PARTY FOR TERMINALLY ILL LITTLE GIRLS!!!!! CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!!!!!

CLICK HERE TO HELP NOW!!!!!!!
go to DONATE NOW and please designate PRINCESS PARTY

My cousin Linsey Anderson Holley (you can contact her on facebook) has decided to throw a big princess party for terminally ill little girls instead of a 30th birthday party for herself. This gives me hope that this world isn't so bad and there is hope for our future and humane living beings. She is planning and doing this all herself and did I mention that she has 4 amazing little girls of her own ages 2-8!!! She is an angel and i just love her and her kind soul so much!!! Please help if you can even if all you can do is send this link to some people you know.
Thank you

"sentiment without action is the ruin of the soul" -edward abbey

good times

2010-04-26T01:31:00.000-07:00

so we had this amazing easter in san diego and then left from there to go to utah. and honestly i can't wrap my head around blogging about it all because i could seriously write a novel about all the little moments and amazing times we had.

and although i really thought that i was going to finish this blog post, sew a small quilt, and re-organize my kitchen tonight oh and follow with a long luxurious bubble bath of course. i will just do my best to finish this blog post.

and maybe not be so tired so that i may read a few more pages in my new favorite book:
Above all, be kind by Zoe Weil about raising a humane child in challenging times. LOVE IT!!

**********************************************************************************

so here begins our adventure...

which began of course with a visit from the "eestah bunny"
oh how she loves that rabbit for bringing her more m&m's and jelly beans than she ever knew existed
i was excited to find a couple vintage children books and her basket from a local thrift store, all less than a dollar combined.

we had easter brunch at la jolla cove. overlooking the water, drinking mimosas, and just enjoying every second of a picture perfect day.

*******************************************************************************

utah has always been a magical place to me.
i'm not sure if there's something in the water or what, but it's just so refreshing everytime i go.
it probably has something to do with my Grandmother Simmonds, because she was magical.
and even though she isn't there greeting you when you walk up the stairs, her spirit is everywhere.

i stayed with my cousin linsey who lives where our grandparents used to live. it was so nice to see the house being lived in the way grandma would want.

the room i always stayed in when i came to visit. the white room. tons of comfy pillows and a white bedspread. in the summer time the windows would be open at night and i could hear the crickets and smell the sweet warm breeze coming through this window. linsey's girls let bayley and i stay in thier room, it was so comforting.

the dining area where grandma would make you peaches and toast. bayley got to enjoy many breakfasts with her cousins here.

the mandarin restaurant, the best chinese food in the world

we would put the kiddies to bed and stay up and induldge in a game of balderdash and x rated ice cream sundaes

pretty crazy huh!!

or sometimes we just talked until we couldn't keep our eyes open anymore

my cousins are so cool...
and i have like 55 more that are super cool too!!!

famous strawberry cheesecake pancakes....yummmmy

i just love this picture

just a few of the kids

we went to the living planet aquarium and we loved it

bayley got 3 fruit snacks stuck in her hair on the ride home. my cousin corinne and i were talking away only to look back and see this.....oh i couldn't stop laughing, poor thing.

and an awesome trip to the park to see my awesome friend shauna and her little boy (more pics coming soon)

tension tamer tea....ahhhhh no more coffee for this girl

a few pictures around the orchard, my grandparents house and land is being sold.....
if only we could work out our awesome co-op idea linsey!!!

just a fraction of the family

good times

good night

me

2010-04-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

my mom told me that when i was only a few weeks old, she handed me to her friend ralph and he looked at me and said "she's an old soul" and every now and then i feel that way... and i just like the way it sounds.....

so it is the eve of my 29th birthday and i'm feeling quite introspective.
i think i have learned more about myself this past year than in the 28 years before that combined.

and this is what i think about getting older:
in my opinion, it sure as heck beats the alternative!!
why do people not want to get older??? if we're lucky, we will get really old.
so i am becoming quite okay with embracing every age and going with it.
gray hairs and eye wrinkles, just proof of some seriously good livin' (yes i dye my hair and use eye cream, so what)

some Abbey stuff:
-i could eat asian food for the rest of my life and be okay with it
-i love natural remedies and i aspire to be more holistic everyday
-i have a strange obsession with buying magazines
-i love kimchi
-i don't watch much t.v.
-photography, sewing and writing are my passions
-i love to cook, but mostly when i have unlimited time and money to prepare a meal
-i don't like really sweet things (except chocolate cake)
-i have very strange toes
-i love the smell of nordstroms and pottery barn
-i love my family more than anything in the world
-i love talking
-i need to listen more
-i want to learn how to sing and how to play the guitar
-i use olive oil to take off my eye make up
-i am a procrastinator, but working on it
-i love paris and NEED a chocolate croissant right now!!
-i hate soda
-the song "somewhere over the rainbow" makes me cry
-i want to go to india and ride an elephant
-i'm afraid of flying, but do it anyways
-i love love love life!!!

so heres to my 30th year, i have many expectations for you!!! I have a good feeling about this one.

happy happy joy joy

2010-04-18T01:16:00.000-07:00

so we're still here...
we've just been having too much fun
just settling back in from our little trips
almost caught up on the laundry and getting back in the groove
but i have to get up and go to yoga (aka my happy class)
so i won't be pulling a late late night blogging
i will just post three pictures that make me happy and say goodnight.

us

"hi Bayley" my mom makes the snapdragon talk to her
then bayley imitates my mom imitating the snapdragon talking in a high pitch voice and it is hilarious

easter morning after cascarones(confetti eggs)!!!

stay tuned for more easter and utah pictures

goodnight

this is how we roll...

2010-03-31T02:24:00.000-07:00

bayley has this dance she does
she begins with the very first beat of the sesame street theme song and it just takes off from there
it's a ritual, no matter what she is doing. eating. playing. whatever. when that first beat is heard, it's like "oh my song's on, i gotta perform!"
and she is just in the zone. dancing.
like a deep squatting, bouncing, head down, hippie, tribal dance that comes and goes with the beat
and it makes me smile so big and laugh everytime
what a moment to witness. it's pure, simple, yummy life

speaking of life, this is a great book about how great life can be

i haven't finished this book yet, but so far it has changed me forever, for the better and i am so grateful for it.

so in our recent efforts to simplify, i find myself being more content with what is and less likely to become distracted and run to the local Target (i'm pretty sure they used to own my soul) in hopes that buying forty dollars worth of random crap i didn't need will pull me out of the funk i was feeling. only to realize that now i have to put away and deal with the forty dollars worth of crap and i forgot to buy razors which is the reason i went there in the first place so now i'm still in a funk and i have hairy legs. shoot.

so i am trying to shop less and live more, and i think it's working.

our trek to the beach was grand

i keep looking at bayley everytime i pick her up and thinking "this is all gonna be gone soon" these crazy toddler years. and even though it challenges every ounce of my being at times, i'm going to miss this so very much. so we are eating up every crumb of life right now... not wasting a single morsel.

the other day, i decided to follow through with a project (another new thing for me).
i went out to our tiny plot of dirt and i started digging away like i was mining or gold or something (in reality i was feeling frustrated and needed to blow off some steam). digging up plants, getting rid of old mulch, i was a woman on a mission and it felt amazing!!! i found worms deep in the clay-y earth, potato bugs, and a super creepy centipede that looked like it could eat me. adam put together the 2x4's into a nice garden box, i filled it with rich organic soil and -badabang-a garden was made. i planted broccoli, yellow squash, and basil.

"beauty is the promise of happiness" -stendhel

these pictures hold a deeper meaning for me, i love them with all of my heart
there were no outfits planned, no props thought up, no special place to drive to at sunset....
just pure spontaneous fun
jumping on the bed, curtains open, eating a fruit snack, in the moment

"if you want to be happy, be" -tolstoy

happy monday

xoxo
-abbey